It's okay to feel.

Today, I cried at work.




It wasn't something I had expected. I knew that I felt like I could cry but I didn't think that after I sat down to eat my breakfast, I'd end up getting up again to make a dash for the bathroom to hide my tears. Although it was unexpected, it wasn't like it came out of no where as for the past week or so, I've had moments where I felt like I could cry over nothing but I pushed it aside and continued on.

This had become somewhat of a habit. Whenever the bad days crept up on me, I'd push it aside and tell myself to carry on. I've been doing it for about a year or so now, and I felt that I was handling it in a way that was good for me. I didn't want to go back to the days where I'd just lie in bed and have a cry, I didn't want to miss anymore work because I felt too sad to get up and go because I'm an adult now. I have my own place, I have bills to pay, food to buy, I can't afford to miss work over something that'll pass in time. It's best to just power through.

Maybe I wasn't completely right about that and today has proved that to me.

Maybe I can meet it in the middle. I can allow myself to not feel completely happy and okay, while still going to work and doing what I can. I won't do my very best, but I did what I could and that's what matters. Letting myself cry whenever I feel like I need to isn't always a bad thing either. I don't think I ever thought to myself that it was bad thing but I feel I felt that if I couldn't figure out the reason why I wanted to then why would I? There doesn't always need to be a reason though, sometimes it's nice to cry just to get it out there,

The point is that it's okay to feel. Everyone has good days and everyone has bad days and how we choose to handle them is down to us, but that doesn't mean that we have to shut the bad days away and let them build up. It means I can accept that that is how I feel today and do what I can. It means I can turn to people close to me for a shoulder to cry on, and we can support each other when we're both experiencing bad days. It means the good days will be even better because I let myself handle the bad days in a better way, and I won't have the feelings I push aside lingering in the back of my mind.

Today, I realised it's okay to feel and I know I'll feel a lot better because of it.