When I was kid, I was usually by myself at lunch times or stood by the lunch ladies side so at least I wasn't alone. Some days I'd just go for it and play by myself. It wasn't all lonely lunch times though, as I eventually made my best friend while in school. Funnily enough, it started out with them bullying me but I wasn't putting up with that shit and informed the teacher. Somehow, that changed into a friendship and we became best friends until we moved schools.
New school meant new classes, new friends but it wasn't all bad as I formed new friendships but unlike others who spent time together outside of school, I didn't. I guess I feel in someways, I missed out on some part of my teenage life by not going out and spending time with my friends, missing out on whatever teenagers did in those days.
Eventually, with school having finished years ago, an old friend got in contact and asked to meet for drinks. This was most likely my most friend filled time as meeting them lead to meeting new people and through them, I met even more new people. My friendship group grew and it was great, although my shyness was still an issue and while some people saw it as a chance to take me under their wing and help, some people saw it as more of an annoyance and it caused issues - more on their part than mine.
Unfortunately, these friendships eventually faded and while I don't want to pass the blame, the trending theme seems to be other people drifting away from me. I'm happy to reach out and try to hold onto friendships that to other people, have ran their course. We still remain friends on social media, but outside of that nothing more. I always find it disappointing when a friendship fades, despite it being just another part of life that we all face.
Years on, while I've gained more confidence, it's still something I struggle with. The worry that as I get older, it might get harder also doesn't fill me with confidence that I'll manage to form some long lasting friendships but I'd also like to believe that friendships can be formed at any point in life - there is no age limit. I'd like to hope that this growing confidence continues and that I get over any social awkwardness I have that prevents me from just speaking to people.
Hopefully this'll be a post I'll look back on in a year, two years and know that things have changed, that I've formed friendships that'll last, that I've gained even more confidence and managed to be the person I am around close friends with everyone. Watch this space.
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