I am tired.

I am tired. I am so tired that my eyes hurt. I am so tired that my head feels like it's lagging behind and I'm struggling to keep up with the world around me.

This isn't the first time I've felt this way, I'm always tired in someway or another. I try to do what I can to make sure that I'm not tired. I do what people always say and go to bed early to ensure that I'm getting enough sleep and if I've got a day off then I try to sleep in. Try because I usually wake up early anyway. It never seems to work though. I do have days when I feel awake and okay but eventually the tiredness hits me and I'm going bed at 8pm, maybe even 7pm. It's not just the "lack of sleep" tired though, sometimes it's a drained tired where I have barely any energy to do anything but of course, I've gotta drag myself out of bed and go to work and live life.

It's an issue, obviously. How are you meant to make it through the day, the week, your life if you're just constantly tired? It's become more of an issue in the past few months. It's like something snapped and my body can't hold the charge of last nights sleep long enough for me to make it through the day. I've become an old phone that after an hour of use has only 10% battery remaining and I'm not able to recharge myself.

Unfortunately, I have depression to add into the mixture which is exhausting also. I've been sad, I've cried and shut myself away. I've hurt myself. Now, my way of handling it is almost like accepting it which might sound like a good thing but it's not. It feels that by accepting it, I've shut myself down completely. I've become a numb, empty shell of a person going through the motions because nothing is going to change. I'm going to be depressed, I'm going to be tired and nothing is going to change because I'm too tired to do anything about it which leads to being depressed. It's a never ending cycle.

But.

I'm working to change that. I know I just said nothing is going to change but that's my defeated self giving up while things are tough. At times like these, it's not easy to be positive but it's not impossible. One small step is more than no steps at all. It's never too late to get your shit together. I can push through tiredness, even if only for a small amount of time or for a small task and be one step closer to where I want to be.

The fact that I turned a post about how depressingly tired I am into something positive and motivational for myself is prove of that. It'll probably be a common trend, because there always has to be positive in the negative, right?

Until next time,

Charlie.